15th March 2021
The enemy of shame is responsibility.
Sometimes when the guilt monster whispers in my ear and tells me I did a bad she’s right.
Sometimes we do bad stuff, and employing logic by telling myself not to go on a guilt trip won’t necessarily work if I actually did fuck up.
We do all fuck up sometimes.
So how do we deal with shame when we do?
Part of it starts with our beliefs. Do we believe it’s okay to mess up? Do we forgive others when they screw up? Chances are we do. So we have to accept that we also have a right to make mistakes, we have to be prepared to forgive ourselves.
Doing a bad thing doesn’t make me a bad person. It makes me human.
And then comes the responsibility.
When we mess up it’s tempting to hide it. That’s because we don’t accept we’re allowed to mess up, we don’t accept that messing up is just what humans do- at least not when it comes to applying it to ourselves. We see ourselves as bad because we did something bad so we assume others will too.
Instead, if we accept that it’s normal to screw up, that we will be forgiven we don’t need to hide it. It’s when we hide it that guilt turns to shame and becomes toxic. Instead if we accept it, talk about it, and take responsibility for putting it right we can mend our relationships and banish shame and guilt.
We take responsibility and then we move on. It’s gone. Done. Finished