Not all berries are toxic
When my son was four or five years old my dad taught him that the blackberries he found growing alongside country paths were edible. It meant for many years we couldn’t go on family walks without having to wait whilst my son stripped every blackberry bush he found of its berries, and without him ending up resembling Lady Macbeth by the end of the walk. Thanks Dad!
It also meant that I had to explain to my son that not all berries are edible. In fact some berries are poisonous. He must not eat poisonous berries, they are toxic.
My son understood, at a very young age, the concept of toxic berries. He also understood that the existence of some berries that were toxic did not mean that all berries were poisonous. If I pointed out poisonous berries to him and told him they were toxic, he never, not once, believed I was telling him that all berries were toxic. He knew blackberries were tasty, and he never, not once, asked me why I hated all berries.
Which makes me wonder, when we try to have a conversation about what we can do about toxic masculinity, and someone shrieks from the sidelines that “masculinity isn’t toxic” or shouts “you hate all men” are those people really less intelligent than my five year old son? Do they really believe that when we refer to toxic masculinity we mean all masculinity, or, are they simply trying to derail the conversation? And if it’s the latter, why?
My son also learned fairly easily, that whilst not all berries are toxic, that if he had no way of knowing whether a berry was toxic or not, he should not eat it. He learned that unless he knew with 100% certainty that a berry was safe, he shouldn’t eat it. He grasped that his choosing not to eat the berry did not automatically mean he thought that all berries were toxic, or even that most berries were toxic, but that it was important to keep himself safe in situations where he had no way of knowing which was which, because some berries are toxic.
It’s really not that complicated is it?
